Putting in the hours… https://t.co/0yGGDc9StG
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) November 14, 2021
Thinking of phasing down my drinking. I estimate that I will probably stop within 50 years.
— Tim Farron (@timfarron) November 13, 2021
Not many people know that M.C. Escher drew much of his artistic inspiration from cats. pic.twitter.com/AY9EWPRIjw
— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) November 14, 2021
Just remembered I once worked with a government minister who claimed for the cost of a poppy
— Jonathan Jones (@SirJJKC) November 13, 2021
Ok so I already loved this tumblr post because they’re RIGHT, but now I live it more because I think I have an answer pic.twitter.com/gbmjQVmhSO
— Sam D Grover has departed this borough (@SamDGrover) November 14, 2021
When you hear the phrase "to kill two birds with one stone" do you picture (a) a well-thrown stone ricochets off Bird 1 into Bird 2, (b) a massive stone that crushes Birds 1 & 2 simultaneously, (c) a sharp stone that goes through Bird 1 into Bird 2, (d) some other scenario?
— stephensben at bluesky (@stephens_ben) November 14, 2021
One stone that, once thrown, splits into two pieces, each of which kills a bird.
— Blue ☂ 🍂 🏴☠️ (@OneBlueUmbrella) November 14, 2021
I had never actually considered exactly how it happened until this tweet, I hope I can sleep tonight.
My friend’s 16 year old son went for a job interview at McDonald’s and, at the end, they asked him if he had any questions. He asked them when the Big Tasty was coming back.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) November 14, 2021
(He got the job)
There's a similar door that the public can pose in front of instead of the real No. 10 but it doesn't have a look-alike @Number10cat. Someone could make a mint taking photos in front a cardboard cutout of Larry and the pseudo door!
— Zekey's Mom (@Zekeys_Mom) November 14, 2021
From @ianvisits https://t.co/SGCcCu3NGh
Plan immediately meets desired reaction. pic.twitter.com/K7ktwYp0Gh
— Lorenzo (@lorenzo_hermoso) November 14, 2021
Definitely implies the turkey is the spokesperson, and it’s all rather sinister, and the turkeys have risen up and taken over the humans, and have plans for them. pic.twitter.com/haFJbPcvVE
— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) November 15, 2021
This is Chevy. He doesn’t mind the colder weather because he gets to wear his hoodie. It’s very cozy. 13/10 pic.twitter.com/JrLeJqenAW
— WeRateDogs (@dog_rates) November 15, 2021
A man who looks like Steve Martin, in a garden, tending to this dachshund is exactly what I need this morning. Apparently, this is from a series called, "Dads with dogs they didn't want."❤️pic.twitter.com/mCnjGq04cz
— Amee Vanderpool (@girlsreallyrule) November 15, 2021
When your shopping list is also an ex-MP who went out with one of the Cheeky Girls. pic.twitter.com/UNAskT9I0Y
— James Henry (@james_blue_cat) November 15, 2021
They're fine with him breaking and entering their houses via the chimney, but would prefer him to actually have COVID whilst doing so. pic.twitter.com/HL2u1ZrQyv
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) November 15, 2021
It's the 'covid isn't real but Santa is' disconnect that gets me.
— Tony Scott (@i_McGoohan) November 15, 2021
In my dream last night I heard the song You're Gorgeous by Babybird, something I haven't encountered in waking life for surely 20 years, and it makes you wonder what the hell my inner DJ is lining up next.
— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) November 16, 2021
Imagine this being the response to being asked about assaulting a woman. Hey HO. HEY BLOODY HO. pic.twitter.com/XVqTgTqxnK
— Jess Phillips MP (@jessphillips) November 15, 2021
When even the slide rejects you 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/iaoOjpL7ZK
— LADbible (@ladbible) November 16, 2021
Just struck me Jurgen is Winnie the Pooh #GBBO
— Jenny Eclair (@jennyeclair) November 16, 2021
“a person can become a Christian in as little as five weeks after completing a basic course”. Should we tell them that no courses are necessary? https://t.co/5Ygj18fTXH
— The Church Mouse (@thechurchmouse) November 17, 2021
I grew up thinking Imperial Leather was the classiest soap you could buy predominately because it was the only one that had a sticker on it. Now it's 4 for a pound & I feel like everything I thought I knew was a lie.
— Nathaniel Metcalfe (@natmetcalfe) November 15, 2021
I wish it didn't take the tears of Azeem Rafiq to make people think or be 'heartbroken'. There will barely be a brown-skinned person in Britain who hasn't felt that smarting, holding back the tears feeling, while being told it was just banter.
— Krishnan Guru-Murthy (@krishgm) November 16, 2021
During last night’s 14.5hr shift, we saw ONE patient.
— Faye Shepherd (@Faye_Shepherd) November 16, 2021
That’s not because there’s no demand, but because we were stuck at hospital for the entire duration, waiting for bed space.
Meanwhile, people are dying waiting for ambulances. What part of this is sustainable @sajidjavid ? pic.twitter.com/7xvLZFaxKP
Shout out for @RealMattLucas and @noelfielding11 It was a great privilege to have you around. Apart from being two of the kindest human beings I know your interactions often were a welcome moment to step back and reset, all in all helping me on my mission #gbbo #gbbo2021
— juergenthebread (@juergenthebread) November 16, 2021
Watching Giuseppe mouth "you smashed it" to Chigs across the tent is exactly why we all love this show. Excellent baking and friendship.
— innocent drinks (@innocent) November 16, 2021
And vibrant shirts.#GBBO
Hearing Giuseppe swear is like seeing Santa Claus take his beard off. #GBBO
— innocent drinks (@innocent) November 16, 2021
The UK takes 4 times fewer asylum seekers than Germany and 50 times fewer than Lebanon. Any minister seeking to exploit the Liverpool bombing to say we are helping too many refugees, is shamelessly using that outrage to make a bad faith, mean spirited ideological point…
— Tim Farron (@timfarron) November 17, 2021
Sometimes I think three baskets was a bit of a waste of time and money. pic.twitter.com/h0NRLodGja
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) November 17, 2021
at this rate of U-turns, Boris Johnson will be remembered as the prime minister who took us back into the EU
— Henry Mance (@henrymance) November 16, 2021
In heaven there will be no wobbly tables
— Joe Henegan (@Joe_Henegan) November 17, 2021
The 3% who thought Freddos cost £1 or more? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE? https://t.co/NWJhFhWfMh
— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) November 17, 2021
The man who voiced Tigger in Winnie the Pooh also invented the first artificial heart.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 18, 2021
Shout out and solidarity to all the people who always have to work weekends who opened an email today that signed off ‘Have a nice weekend!’
— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) November 19, 2021
Or had someone say ‘Yay! It’s Friday!
Or got asked ‘Any plans for the weekend?’
I see you
I
See
You
It has now been put it out there that vigilantes can just go and kill people protesting issues like racial equality whenever they want and get away with it. Think about that for a second.
— Josh Gad (@joshgad) November 19, 2021
I’m starting to think the Mayans saying the world ending in 2012 was more of a recommendation than an actual prediction.
— MANIC 😕 (@YaYaMANIC) January 18, 2021
Even if you just reduced it down to the principle of a teenager running around the street with a machine gun. Does anyone here believe that if a black guy (in a near exact repetition of this content?) ran around the street with a machine gun they wouldn’t go to prison?
— richard bacon (@richardpbacon) November 19, 2021
What’s important in the House of Commons pic.twitter.com/4BN160z4vC
— ethical business (@EthicalDavid) November 18, 2021
Completely brilliant! https://t.co/apHY7SgGfg
— Marian Keyes (@MarianKeyes) November 20, 2021
I’m this old https://t.co/jGYfXNKBxP pic.twitter.com/uUD8wIWpa5
— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) November 20, 2021
ineke.co.uk 
Anything to add...?